tenderbastard

310-913-6271 tenderbastard@gmail.com

tiernobastardo 温 ندرلقيط

"there's a fine line between sexiness and abusrdity and tenderbastard's determined to find it."

tenderbastard oath ~ "I do solemnly swear to be kind, helpful, intelligent, and to have fun as ofte as possible."

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moon over mangroves NYC stageplay

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let it be christmas the musical

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"as good as anything on boadway" jeff harm, director

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"I have met tenderbastard and find him witty and charming. This book review confirms that convicton." ~ Barack Obama

become a TB MJ grower

"You’ve got a great voice. It reminds me of the guy from Uncle Tupelo." ~ Jalan Crosslamd, American troubadour

free ebooks all july https://www.smashwords.com/books/search?query=tenderbastard

2026

Winter's Effect

tenderbastared

Trash Talk

trouble in

trubbletown

tenderbastared

Drunk & Naked

on a bicycle

life remembered

in detail

tenderbastared

End of the Road

a novel

tenderbastared

The most loving thing I’ve ever said to another living creature is, "Georgia, if you're still suffering in the morning I’m going to choke you to death and put you out of your suffering."

I said that to my dog the night she was dying, and hearing those words, I knew I could, and would do what I'd said to give her life a dignified resolution, that I would begrudgingly let her go like that and end her pain and suffering. That's love baby.

I didn’t have to. She took her last three breaths and died in my arms...and in that moment I realized how love becomes, how it travels, continues infinitely, effortlessly, and I received an understanding of the depths of sorrow, loss, and tragedy.

I said what I did because of three things, what I got to say, what I didn’t get to say, and an earlier time when a dog needed to be relieved of its misery.

As a kid I remember my father often saying, "I love you" to me. At that age I didn’t think had to say it. As I got older I realized I did. Any time we were together we'd say it. Nobody was going anywhere, nobody was leaving, nothing bad was going to happen.

Those were the last words we said. My father, my hero, went into a hospital, they gave him a staph infection, he went into a toxic coma, they pumped him full of saline solution, he bloated like a whale carcass in the sun, laid like that eighteen days. The phone call came at 4 A.M. I got to say, "I love you," thank him for being my father.

I didn’t get to say, “I love you,” to my mother one last time. She was in hospice, dementia having taken everything individual about her. She’d forgotten how to talk, how to walk, move, eat, and drink. The only thing left was for her to forget how to breathe.

I went to see her. She was in a wheelchair, She’d fallen, the right side of her face bruised purple and yellow. She sat, eyes closed, motionless. I stood to leave. She opened her eyes, looked at me and said, “I want to go home.” I put my face to hers. "Mom, I don't have any place to take you," kissing her forehead and leaving.

Outside, I realized I'd forgotten to say, “I love you.” Someone was locking the door. I thought, “I'll come in the morning and tell her." Four in the morning phone call.

In my twenties I was driving on a two-lane country road and saw a woman standing on the shoulder, a beagle lying on the asphalt. I pulled over and got out. The w0man was holding a shotgun, looking at the dog. She handed the shotgun to me and, crossed the road, and walked up hill to her house.

Afterwards I leaned the gun against the guardrail, pulled the dog onto the shoulder, got in my car, and drove away. I thought of that dog the night Georgia was dying.

I remember Georgia running figure-eights in the Key West sand, climbing to Gray’s Peak on the Continental Divide, braving river rapids, chasing coyote, running up on two bear, curling in my lap when I meditated, peeking around the shower curtain making certain I was still there, and wanting to be with me, everywhere, all the time. Now that she’s gone, she’s everywhere.

Georgia’s ghost stayed several days. I could’ve lived with her like that. She’s gone. I don’t think she can hear, that she c an see me or that there is any trace of her anywhere in the universe. We had our time and that’s it. We’re not going to see each other somewhere again. If that is true, why would the things we love be taken from us in the first place.

When you speak the truth, do what needs to be done, say what needs to be heard it doesn't need to be explained. I don’t know if I told Georgia enough times how much I loved her, but I think she knew. She taught me what love is. I never considered a life without her, I never imagined I would miss her so profoundly, and I'm glad I got the chance to say what I did.

The world needs to hear the most loving thing that can be said when it needs to be said and when it needs to be heard, before it’s gone and that possibility is gone with it. Our best of times, worst of times, our faith, love, and trust in one another...that’s love baby.